Archive for April, 2008

More videos

Ok, so I’m not posting a column this week due to a 15-20 page paper due on Monday, but I wanted to post a video (you know, so that I’m not completely ignoring this page).

Sometimes when I’m bored, I will look up people doing crazy things, and this is an example of that. It’s long (~11 minutes), showing some seriously crazy BASE jumping. It’s worth it, even if you just watch a little. These people are nuts.

The Day to Day Grind Tim 30 Apr 2008 No Comments

A Little Housework

I looked up from my home improvement project to see a familiar pickup truck slow to a stop on the street in front of my house.  There were New York Yankees and Oakland Raiders stickers displayed prominently in the back window, and those stickers probably explained the deep grooves in the passenger door.  The driver’s door opened, and my old friend Rick O’Shea bounced out. 

“How would you like to accompany me to the closest alley to bowl a few frames?” he asked. 

I’d love to, but unfortunately, I have to attach this storm door to the house.  I’m not off to a great start, though, because the first step says to place the door on two sawhorses.  There were pictures on the box of the tools needed to complete the job, but there was no picture of sawhorses.  I don’t have sawhorses.  Do you have sawhorses? 

“No.  I have no sawhorses.  Look, blow off this project until you can get some sawhorses and come bowling with me.  It’ll be like old times.” 

I can’t go bowling.  I have to install this door, with or without sawhorses. 

But speaking of bowling, it reminds me of the time in college when a group of us took my friend out for his 21st birthday.  He didn’t officially turn 21 until midnight, so to kill some time we went bowling.  After bowling, we went to a couple of Lowell watering holes, and my friend indulged quite a bit. 

At the end of the night, we got out of a cab and stumbled back to my friend’s apartment.  While standing at the door, fumbling with his keys, he looked down at his feet and saw that he was still wearing the rented bowling shoes.  He shook his head and said that he suddenly knew why none of the women at the bars would talk to him. 

“At least he had an excuse.  None of the women in Lowell would speak to you, even when you wore normal shoes.” 

That’s a fair point you make.  Of course, the ratio at UMass-Lowell while I was there was rumored to be 8 males to 1 female.  Granted, that was better than the ratio while I was at Keesler Air Force Base, but still a significant challenge. 

“A challenge that you were clearly not up to.  Didn’t you tell me that you had some bowling issues while at Keesler?” 

Yes.  I had never bowled ten-pin before.  I picked out a 16-pound ball, got up on the lane, walked toward the line, reared back, and the ball flew out of my hand and back toward my fellow airmen.  They scattered like rats, and luckily only my pride was injured.  I was totally sober, but I think the other bowlers had their own suspicions. 

“You may hold onto the ball now, but you still look ridiculous with that Fred Flintstone tippy-toe dance you do on your way to the line.  That type of behavior is only allowed if you actually break 150.  The way you bowl, I should start calling you Barack Obama…old Mr. 37.” 

I refuse to take criticism from someone who spends his entire day twirling his fingers in his hair and then sniffing his fingers.  Are you going to help me with this door or not?  It’d give you a chance to use your legendary skills:  sawing, drilling, measuring, driving screws, and taking breaks for iced coffee. 

“No chance.  You didn’t help me when I had to snake my toilet for toy dinosaurs, I’m not helping you with this door.  Knowing your mechanical abilities, though, I’ll be sure to visit you in the hospital later this afternoon.” 

Having you help would be like having two people out sick, anyway.  One last thing:  Did you see how the New York newspapers were attacking A-Rod for failing to high-five Bobby Abreu after a homerun?  Important stuff. 

“The Boston media attacks Manny and the New York media attacks A-Rod.  The same thing happened in the 40’s and 50’s when the Boston media was so harsh to Ted Williams.  It’s the nature of the beast.  Ok, good luck with your project.  I’m off to the land of lane oil and ugly pants.” 

Postscript:  My wife and I finished installing the door in an injury-free 5 hours and 30 minutes.  Without sawhorses.


The Day to Day Grind Tim 24 Apr 2008 No Comments

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